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Answers by Matthew Paquette, MD and Mary Paquette, MD
I want to have sex with my girlfriend, but I don't want to get her pregnant. Will a condom be enough, or does she have to be on the pill too?
Babies come naturally from sex. No matter how hard we try with contraceptives, and even with sterilization, there is still a "risk" that sex will result in one of its natural outcomes-pregnancy. I even know doctors who got pregnant while using two different contraceptives at once. This makes sense because babies are meant to come from sex. It's built into nature. We can try to fool nature, but when we do we usually become fooled ourselves. Abstinence, including no mutual genital contact, is the only 100% guarantee of not getting pregnant.
Matthew Paquette, MD
I haven't had sex yet, but my friend said that there is some sort of pill that a girl can take to stop a pregnancy from happening. What is that all about?
You are referring to the "morning after" pills. They all include high doses of female hormones. The side effects of these are quite severe, which is one reason why they are not more popular. So far, at least one woman has died from taking a morning after pill. Along with the side effects, they all can cause an abortion.
Matthew Paquette, MD
My girlfriend just told me she's pregnant, but I'm not ready to be a dad. I'm thinking of telling her to get an abortion. I'll even pay for her to have one if that's the best thing! I'm not ready to be a father! What should I do?
None of us should be having sex if we are not ready to be a parent (because, again, kids come naturally from sex). But if you do become a dad before you intend to, the last thing you should do is kill your child. Post-abortion syndrome (depression, anxiety, etc.) affects men as well as women. After an abortion, women are more likely to have breast cancer, infertility, and premature babies. Financially, the responsibility of parenting includes diapers, formula, and clothes, or if you donŐt marry-child support. Parenting is tough at any age, especially if you are a teen. I would encourage adoption. There are thousands of couples eager to adopt. My biological mother was sixteen when she placed me for adoption. It was a loving act for which I am still grateful.
Matthew Paquette, MD
I'm still a virgin, but all the guys keep teasing me like there's something wrong with me because I haven't done it yet. Am I weird?
You're not weird-you're smart. And you are not alone. Over 2 million teens in the US alone have taken a pledge of abstinence until marriage. You will save yourself from numerous STDs, unwanted pregnancy, and a lot of heartache. When you do find the right woman and marry her, both of you will be much happier because you saved yourself for her.
Matthew Paquette, MD
I'm thinking about having sex with my boyfriend, and I don't want to get pregnant. Which birth control will keep me from getting pregnant?
I have delivered babies for girls who were using every type of birth control. The bottom line is-there is no way to perfectly avoid pregnancy other than abstinence. Hormonal contraceptives (such as the pill, the shot, the patch, and the mini-pill) have side effects that cause many girls to quit using them. These include: weight gain, depression, acne, and irregular bleeding. In addition, the pill doesn't always work by just avoiding pregnancy. About 4-11% of the time it interferes with implantation. Implantation happens 5-9 days after fertilization when the baby tries to implant in the uterus. The pill blocks this implantation by thinning the lining of the uterus, and the baby is aborted. If you do get married, consider natural family planning. This method helps you avoid or achieve pregnancy by observing changes in your cycle. It works with the same effectiveness as the pill without the side effects.
Mary Paquette, MD
I've heard about this Plan B pill that you can take if you forget to use birth control. Is it safe? What does it do? It sounds like it's simple and easy.
Plan B is also called emergency contraception. It works by giving you a large dose of birth control hormones to try and prevent pregnancy. It only prevents pregnancy if you haven't ovulated yet. However, if you are just about to ovulate or already have, it blocks the conceived embryo from implanting. The baby is then aborted. Side effects include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and heavy bleeding.
Mary Paquette, MD
I'm 16 and I just found out that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have only had sex once! I haven't told my boyfriend yet, and I most definitely don't want to tell my parents. I love my boyfriend and I don't want to lose him! I don't want to totally ruin my life either. What should I do?
I know you want to believe there is an easy way out of your situation. There isn't. First of all you don't need to make a sudden decision. Talk to your boyfriend; he has a right to know he is a father. Also, talk to your parents. Most teens say, "But they'll kill me if they find out!" I say bring your parents to meet with you and a trusted adult like your doctor, teacher, or youth group leader. I've never had a parent even get angered by this approach. They love you and want to help you.
Many teens decide to parent their child. This requires a lot of thought about what it means to forever be responsible for another person. Some teens opt for adoption. This is an incredibly selfless choice for the teen that doesn't feel ready to be a parent. It requires being ready to cope with the loss of that child, but it carries the comfort of knowing you have given that child and the adoptive family an incredible gift. Abortion is often thought of as a quick fix. No one will have to know, and you can go on with your life as if nothing ever happened. If this sounds too good to be true-it is. Abortion is a painful option. Women have described it to me as the most awful thing they have ever been through. Women often block out the memory of it, and 80% regret having aborted their baby. Not only do these women have lives haunted by their abortion, but they also have an increased risk of infertility, miscarriage, and premature babies. There is also an increased risk of breast cancer in women who have an abortion. Trying to hide your pregnancy with abortion only leaves you alone to cope with all the depression, pain, and regret that follows. If you have had an abortion, there is hope and help. Contact Rachel's Vineyard at www.rachelsvineyard.org.
Mary Paquette, MD
I just went to the doctor with my mom and found out that I have herpes. I'm so scared. Will I ever be able to get married? What are the side effects of this disease?
You are not alone in getting herpes. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) have reached epidemic proportions. From 2-4 million teens are diagnosed with a new STD every year. Most teens think it's safe to have sex with a limited number of people. But 50% of girls get an STD the very first time they have sex. Herpes is a disease of recurrent painful blisters that break out on your genitals throughout your life. There are treatments to help reduce the frequency and severity of these blisters, but there is no cure. Herpes is present in 1/3 of teen girls. It is most contagious when you are just about to break out in the blisters, so you may not know it. This makes it hard to stop it from being spread. Condoms don't prevent its transmission because it can still spread through skin-to-skin contact. Oral sex can also lead to the spread of this and other STDs to the face, mouth, and throat. I have dealt with many married couples that have to cope with the STDs that one of them acquired in premarital sex. It is most devastating when it affects their children through birth or in utero infections. Be honest with your future husband and you can deal with this, but use this as an opportunity to choose abstinence and avoid other life threatening and life changing consequences of sex outside of marriage.
Mary Paquette, MD